i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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