Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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