I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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