guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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