So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
