you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize