cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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