Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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