Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
