I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
