Your tits are I can't wait for
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
