Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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