We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
