I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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