ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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