So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
