apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
