I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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