Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
