Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
