did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
