24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
