Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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