Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
