If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
