i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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