Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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