covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize