I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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