What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
