Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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