I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
