why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
