Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
