He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
