jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
