im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
