no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
