I just cut my nipple shaving
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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