I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
