Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
