Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
