If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
