It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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