pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He kissed a someone with a penis
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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