you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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