she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
and you fell through a lawn chair
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
