M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
