You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
