I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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