My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
