I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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