I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
