were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
