I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
