Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
