the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
