did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
