Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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