Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
