the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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