After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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