Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
