I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
